ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
