Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
