throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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