Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
