is your mom at the bar?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
