you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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