On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
