Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
