It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just want nice things and good sex
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize