Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
