She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
