this beer tastes like vomit already
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
