I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
