Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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