Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
