the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
