I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
