Your face is a jimmy john
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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