how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
These tits shall not be calmed
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
