Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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