all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
