Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
