just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
