I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
