Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
