I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
