i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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