He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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