You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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