i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In other news, I just burned my penis
Randomize
