I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
