I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
