See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
