how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
