That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
