I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
