I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
