Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
