i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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