I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
