Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
