You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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