So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
