Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
