So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
