I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
