Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
