The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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