She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
