i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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