You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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