Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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